:X

i hope you know that sometimes i'd like to write a list about every way that you've wronged me. not necessarily wronged me, but i'd like to keep account of every time youve been wrong. i hate the things you say and how you treat people sometimes. you think you're cute? id hate to think that i had any bearing on your attitude. if the way i joke with our friends has affected you this much, then shoot me; ive created a monster. it's straight ugly the way you hide things. its uglier to me cause i see right through you. you dont confide in me anymore because deep down you probably know that i know. and that i hate it. like sometimes i wanna pull you to the side and put my thumbs in your sockets to keep them from rolling. and i wanna take your phone away because i know what you're doing, even though you dont. and you think i dont know your ways or the ways, which is stupid cause i swear i invented them. you think i dont know when youre lying and that i cant see right through you. and im mad that everyone got to say their peace, and i didnt. i didnt get to scream on the inside while choosing my words carefully on the outside. did you know that sometimes i feel so disappointed in you? like, i see you in my peripheral vision, looking at me. youre wondering why im not acknowledging you and why i dont look you in the eye when i talk to you. well its mostly fear that i'll explode were i even to get started. and im disappointed that im at all disappointed. like, we shouldnt even be in this situation. you think i dont know that it's not easy? well, ive been through it and i'd think that everything i told you would have an effect on you. but no; are you stupid enough to think that experience is the best teacher? you think its smart to just learn from your mistake. but why cant you see its smarter to learn from the mistakes of others? i loved being proud of you, and i hate that the reasons why i once did are now all a blur. maybe you think that because ive been in silence so long that it doesnt matter to me what you do. but it does. to more important people than just me. im pissed that im pissed. quit giving me a reason to be. just cause,
things arent supposed to be this way.