just

i can see the chill in the air between us/i can feel a winter coming we're frozen in our stares/and we know there's a world outside/of these insults and injuries/maybe we're just too, afraid to be one/the autumn sets a golden exit the winter is waxing/that cold sun will shed no more warmth into our living rooms/where we dream our dreams, where we wait for sleep/maybe we'll wake up with golden wings/and fly over a city screaming/take me take me!/i woke up this morning to the silence of falling snow/these graces of beauty have left me so cold/i once had a heart, but hearts are like snowflakes/and snowflakes/one warm touch and they melt away/maybe we'll get wings/maybe anything/just anything to set us free/maybe we'll wake up a golden exit/

must we always wait for sleep?

just stuff.

RE: MAHINA

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
FAVORITEST SONG?!
i call that,
"THE IMPOSSIBLE FEAT"
its sooo impossible. but HOW COME i knew what you were talking about when it comes to girl>guy songs being ehhh and not as punch-in-the-lung'ish as guy>girl. maybe because we fall to our knees when a guy's attached to an instrument or is musically inclined. as for me, im tapioca puddinggggg. ENYWEX, if you could see through my corneas, you'd see a bunch of question marks, and i feel like my song list of choices are under par, at least in comparison to yours

HOW COME YOU KNOW ME SO WELL
HOW COME
HOW COME I LAUGHED SO HARD WHEN I SAWLL MY NAME
HOW CAMM I HAB TO WHISSPER

i'll have to agree with you on bjork's "its oh so quiet"

and if i had to choose a girl song, it would probably have to be a girl singing for a band. cause girls by themselves kind of make me mad. (UNLESS ITS MARIAH CAREY) anyway, going back to girls singing for bands, etc, kinda like the cranberries. it will probably be a cranberry song; not at all patsy, you know. like, 'everything i said' or 'i miss you' or 'ode to my family' LAWLERS. well, these are all about love, but knowing me, a favorite would probably be a lovey.

oh and i feel like i need to go on and on and on about mariah carey. im not ashamed to say how much i love her and how cool i thought it was that she did this whole rapsingingthing on 'breakdown' and how much i love 'melt away' and all that other crap, just cause the bridge talks about a cloud of rhapsody. HAHAHA. okshh.

and something about jason mraz makes me wanna say, 'hey stick me on some ice and condensed milk and serve me with some syrup, cause im mochi' or something, you know? but not quite favorite-worthy.

im thinking that a favorite would have to be TIMELESS.
and what i think is timeless is maybe an 'absolute nothing' to someone else.

i just decided that this was going to be my new blog. its really to you, because maginahuilao.blogspot.com, you are my only reader.

im flipping through the roladex in my head and im sensing emotions, but it's hard. i do recall hearing things so flawlessly beautiful. like someone tucking your hair behind your ear, or putting their fingertips on the inside of your palm, or exhaling softly behind you, or resting their hand in the small of your back. well, if a creep were to do these things then several punches to the face would be in order.... but these are things that would probably make me fall to my knees even if i knew that there was gravel down below.

i wanna write out my whole thought-process to choosing a favorite, but its so much harder than just to saying, 'hey this just came to my mind,' although you'd think that the mostest favoritest of all songs would already be on your mind.

but your mostest favoritest is really what's on your heart. and for that you have to dig a little bit deeper.

its probably something from pinkerton; just cause my favoritests of most things are those that heartwrenchingly honest. i think that includes people. like maybe its 'el scorcho' cause who wouldnt want that dedicated to them? i would. or maybe its not even pinkerton, and its 'only in dreams.' maybe its that, cause i would gladly die to it. (is your favorite song something you would die to? more on that later, maybe. just cause, if thats what it is, then this blog is an absolute nothing...cause none of these songs are that GREAT. i guess my favorite wouldnt be what i saw as the greatest. or is that one in the same? IDK) anyweh, maybe just a deep melody that holds you over the edge of tears. yeah, just on the verge. youre not crying, but you feel like it. youre not crying cause your most favoritest song somehow stirs feeling that contradict. like you wanna, but you dont, cause this is a favorite. unless youre crying cause its so wonderful. never mind, i guess youre crying. but i dont think id cry. id just feel like it. so my insides are crying. ? question mark? idk. shut up.
ughhhh and then there's stuff from foreigner and firehouse. just cause inspiration is what im all about. i mean, it's so motivational. or peter cetera (WHO?!). and the kid inside me dies and cries and dies inside a little everytime i hear "ill be the man who will fight for your honor"-- cause rocky loves emily.
or maybe its something from the shins and as a cop-out i choose entire albums. but we cant do that, cause i call that "digressing."
like, if we were choosing albums i'd have to choose a bunch of concept albums. gotta gotta be 'the good life.' no other band is so lyrically driven. at least i thought that when i was all 'broken,' but i think its still very very good. like, 'the competition' is up there cause anything with a haunting piano is noteworthy (TO ME!). you gotta hear it cause sometimes tim kasher's voice kinda floors you and you feel his pain, especially when he blacks out.
but albums are so so easy.
like right now my favorites have to be 'wincing the night away,' 'chutes too narrow,' and 'friend opportunity' (THANKS GUYS). i literally carry it everywhere i go. okay that was just today. but ive gotten some new things and these still GOT ME. GOT ME GOT ME.
but thats not the point i guess.

oioioi
but really, i have a favorite song.
and it's easy.
it's simple.
and its kind of a secret.

i like these people.

SHINNY SHIN SHINS

so um, tell me now, is there anything greater than a time machine? probably not, right? right? wrong. probably wrong. probably wrong, just cause you have no idea how many thing people would be trying to undo and unsay and unmeddle and unlaugh and uncry and untry and un-everything. so yeah, probably wrong. well, i myself would for one truly love the ability to smooth out motion blurs in a photograph with the tip of my finger. just cause im that type of person. the kind that likes to see the unseen and find the story in each photograph. the kind that likes to see the person behind the person, just cause they're probably making a face. or probably has a face. not just a face, but a FACE, meaning a bad one. im the kind of person who'd laugh at it. im also the kind of person who'd want to see the photographer's true intent. the real picture before the guy in front sneezed. i guess that's where MOMMA digital cameras and DADDY digital cameras and BABY WOADERS and BABY digital camera come in.

well, tell me now, is there anything greater than touching the untangible? nope. nope, not in my book. not in this book some would call, 'sandras book' or 'things i find really really great' or 'some ideas' or 'hey this is cool, right?'

cause in my book, there have been countless times when i wished that i could spoon a melody. or take a beautiful line and pet the top of its head with just my fingertips. or shake the hands of a wonderful bass line. or ride an insane guitar riff (or maybe just hold its hand and run with it on the beach along the sand). or more importantly i'd like a complicated count to show itself visually (cause maybe im more visual?). maybe we'd go out to lunch and it would, in its own little way, explain what melody n was, and what it had to do with integers 1 through 8. and then he'd take my hand and we'd run across the shoreline of a melody (not to be confused with the same melody i previously spooned with). yeah, we'd do that. i'd do that. i'd do that if i could.

somehow all i see is a guy in a question-mark suit, and everything im writing is reminding me of the eBay it commercials.

anyway, all of this is coming from the fact that on july 23rd my life's going to get a little better. better cause it's something i wished to have gotten to do in arizona. better despite the fact that this venue will do them no justice. better because even if for just a few hours, ill be able to mind-meddle and mind-spoon and mind-pet and mind-hug their music. better cause hawaii had a lot of 'better' to get. better, just cause.

Hurled to the center of the Earth again/The place where it's hot, love/You know, it hurts to breathe in/And the watershed you balance on is begging it/Well did he ever know/Will he ever know?/The trees in the moonshine are a dark lattice/So you catalog in the angle you notice/In a vacuum you are charged to record this/So you won't make it easy on me/I can't go into this no more/It puts too many thorns on my mind/And the necessary balloon lies a corpse on the floor/We've pissed on far too many sprites/And they're all standing up for their rights/Born on a desert floor you've the deepest thirst/And you came to my sweet shore to indulge it/With the warm and dreaming eyes of an orphan/But there is not enough/There is not enough/Out of a gunnysack fall red rabbits/Into the crucible to be rendered an emulsion/And we can't allow a chance they'd restore themselves/So we can't make it easy on you/Undaunted, you bathed in hollow cries/The boys with swollen, sunburnt eyes/A reward for letting nothing under their skin/So help me, I don't know, I might/Just give the old dark side a try/Don't cast your whirling eyes on the shore/‘til we even the score/I still owe you for the hole in the floor/And the ghost in the hall/Who decides who paddles over the falls?/Yeah, who makes the call/Who makes the call?/I know there's an eventual/Release from every scale of crime/But the necessary balloon lies a corpse on the floor/We've pissed on far too many good intentions held by clever sprites/And they're all standing up for their rights.

i've got what seems to be an indefinitely-lasting writer's block.
thing is, it's not cause im broken.
it's more like,
im finally fixed.
pickle pickle pickle pickle pickle pickle





maury, you sure got the stuff !

well,

mind-humped.

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo

UGHHHHHHH.


in other more-exciting than this, but less-exciting than the rest of my life, NEWS--

THE SHINS JULY 23rd.

my heart's so big right now. so big that this tiny font will suffice.

THIS IS 4RLS

ive been meaning to take some time to finally sit down and write a blog. a real blog. a 4rls blog with real words and thoughts that were easy to comprehend. "HAH, NOT GONNA HAPPEN"-- i know, i know. majority of you readers (that's right, all TWO of you) are thinking that. but this is 4rls. this is a 4rls blog.

first off was this amaaaaazingggg trip to maui. i added a couple more a's and g's to make you think that it was especially spectacular. i did this because it was. it really was. hahahahaha, there was this one time where.....ahh, you dont care. ahhh, you had to be there i guess. the condo was pimp nasty and hot like fire. pimp nasty cause of the spiral staircase and hot like fire cause there was no AC upstairs (so if you're keeping score, MAUI'05= 5 pts; MAUI'07=2).

so the first night was all about stomp the yard, and OH what a bunch of braggarts we were. mahina's freezing on some futon and im just a taco. you had to be there i guess.
next day was some needle-point thing that apparently was a big big deal. you jump off from HODAMEAN heights and this is also a big deal. now i cant stress to you how big of a deal these people really were. i mean, they were big-deal people doing big-deal things from big-deal heights, and you know mahina had to do it. except she couldnt cause her mom said no. so instead she jumped on some baby one. (baaaby woader) you had to be there i guess.
after some historical visit to some place that had some coys that were something and something something that were somehow missing and was again somehow a big deal, there was this imaginary bonfire with a bunch of lackluster people. i like to think of it as an affirmation to how our group of humans were unique in being able to have human conversations with other humanly humans. whatev. you had to be there to understand, but i wish i wasnt. LET'S LEAVE SOONER.

WE COOKED
YOU DIDNT EAT IT
IT WAS A SLAP IN THE FACE
PITY PARTY FOR ONE
NO, DONT CRY
WHAT DID WE DO?
WHAT DID WE DO?
WHAT CAN WE DO?
IS IT BETTER YET?
NO?
HOPELESS?
STILL NOTHING?

OK.
--i call this sunday night. 'nuff said.

monday morning was the greatest maui moment for me. for once my face wasnt sucked in like a butthole, cause i was actually awake. i made it a point to be fully awake. mahina was a mouse and edmond was a daredevil and sheila was just funny and i just sat there and laughed and number 2 was calling my name. you had to be there you had to be there you had to be there. it brought people together and we all just created warmth and love and love and warmth and love. a couple hours later we all died.

anyway, every trip to maui is always different from the last, and i cant say this time was my favorite. after all, no one threw up or even almost threw up, which is always a bummer. no one got bit by a fish and we didnt get to go down any cool pool slides or see a grotto. BUT, i overreacted 50x in the water, got my foot torn up, saw a water-poo, stayed awake in haleakala, and learned how to crappily (YEAH THATS A WORD, WANNA FIGHT ABOUT ITTT?) play island in the sun.
most importantly though, this was ES-PECIAL because of a mahina.

this is just her face. you should see her qualities. but you cant, cause no one can. i mean you can see them, but you cant see them.

a mahina knows why babywoader is so great and knows that its only complete with a dance. she understands why GALLOP is the best of all the words there and fully gets why sometimes unnamed people are sometimes very selfish with their music. she's NEVER MET A MAN...NEVER MET A MAN...NEVER MET A MA-ANNNN... and we all know that YOUAINTNOTHINLIKE...YOUAINT NOTHING LIIIKE. yeah, youaintnothinlike her.
you could try to understand, but you wont. but you should still try cause there's no telling without really trying. youre probably wondering, 'well sandra, how do i even try?'
idk. ask someone...go to a library? read a book. read a book. he reads book!
she's leaving tomorrow and ive never been so bummed in my life. she's younger than me but no one will ever quite understand my love for jews than this mahina. the chosen race, and exactly how God intended it.
and she first said i was her mento, but she's more like my mento, and im more like her manatee. the mento will miss her manatee. ehr, this manatee will miss her mento.
and you wont believe im saying this, but california's cool cause it has her. and hats off to washington cause it bred her. WA's that much cooler just cause a mahina came out of there. but kudos to hawaii for real cause it's like, IN her. she owns the aina which is cool cause she doesnt stand on the outside of ANYTHING protesting. the only protests she does is with her butt when hers says, 'kunana' and then sheila's replies, 'wennnn'

(THIS IS HER CHASING AMERICAN DREAMS, GUYS)

and i didnt know i like people who spoke tagalog but hey, there's always a first.

(because most of those who es-peak tagalog arent knowing how to look gewd while throwing in peektures like she is)


well, without her ill be super unreasonable. only she gets why im usually so torn and she's the only one who doesnt make things more dramatic, but knows how to logically rationalize the heck out of situations. she sees the absolute best in people in when they have realllyyyy ugly faces. that's a cool thing cause even i cant do that sometimes. she understands the meaning of forgiveness and makes me see what matters most, which i thought i was good at, but am more recently constantly forgetting. you had to be there and you wish you knew her but you probably dont, which means that your life doesnt mean that much. i know, it's FRIKKIN harsh, but it's probably true. it hurts, i know. it sucks a million monkey balls, but what are you gonna do about it? you cant call her and you cant stalk her and if you tried id hurt you pretty bad. yup, i love her so much that if she asked me to kiss her kilikili id probably say, "ok." and if she told me something about myself that i didnt agree to, i'd just say, "m. no." ah, you dont get it. you wouldnt even get it if you were there.

and i love every one of my other friends, but they're staying right here so they dont get any special words. they get special words everyday. except for mark. mark gets some special words cause he's one of my most favoritest cousins and he liked this trip. also, he gets a shout cause these are his pictures.

this is love.

HELVETICA





because we know better than to ever choose comic sans.

ok ?

some

things

are

never-changing.

fess

he's got a face and poses for pictures. he's also pretty modest.

larf