First Day Of My Life
this makes me one of those people that blog from their smart-phones. I guess that makes me suck, but that's okay.
it's recently dawned on me that the today marks the official year of being back home.
the moment between an inhale and an exhale can carry enough weight to sink a cruise liner. a slow gulp carries more honesty than a quick smile. they may not make much sense, but its to put emotion and time into perspective. the year back feels like both an eternity and a blink. a year ago from today i made the silent resolution to live up to certain failures and to right certain wrongs. it's sometimes difficult to deal with the things that should be far behind us.
like tying a knot behind your back. fairly simple, but the fact that you can't see it makes you that much more afraid that it'll unravel.
that you'll unravel.
it's slightly easier when you see others around you helping to erase the marks you've made. now I fear that my only formidable enemy is myself, lead-side down.
in just a year I've experienced things I'm cleearly undeserving of. new brothers and sisters from all over, and a rediscovered kindred spirit that is soooo close to best friend status (except I make it a point not to have human best friends). I've seen His hand at work, in my life, and those around me. amazing growth, potential, and the indescribable joy of teaching someone to learn and love.
like learning to live again.
mm, so the verdicts in. I lived my life for myself and could find no joy. a year back of spending my time and effort trying to live up to a dedication, and I've found more joy, purpose, and a new-found appreciation than previously thought possible.
what a dumb-by.
anyway,
it feels like having been paralyzed from the waist down, then relearning what used to come so naturally.
and after the roughest moments, I'm finally back on my two feet. sweating bullets, ensuring every step to be on solid ground.
and all I can really think about is how I can't wait to start running.
3 comments:
mmm. they say that a day makes such a difference. so how much more so a year! my goodness, yeah I look back on the year and so much awesomeness has happened even within one spring/summer/summer that I didn't even know was possible. But all good stuff of course, but AANNYYWESS
people don't usually love the way I do, but now I know it's possible, and there are just so many things that can be said to you and that you can say to others and that can happen that like wow love is real man like how could anyone ever ever deny that HE exists and loves first and lets us do the same!?
I haven't really had to be numb, not like you explain, but that's okay, I mean wow some people just hear about things while others fall,
but anyone of those, whichever way they chose, if they're heart's right, He swoops you up and gives you so many tangible things that help you out as well, because He understands that that's how humans are, that's what they need, and though we would like to say we don't need anything anything, He knows we do.
Everyone who gets a spritual kick, it starts with themself, and Him, but what you give up you get back, ten fold. Oh I'd like to say that people mean nothing to me. That I could be just fine with no one at all, and I could, we all could, we really don't need anything but Him and the basics. But,,,well, love is real, so clearly!!!!
I never had so many insides in one day.
I never spent life with home in the form of people, tried and true, who have everything they need because of putting the most important things first, who let me pick up where I left off, who are not perfect but have everything they need and do everything they can and don't hold back, who helped me be better but not by telling me to but by doing it themselves. I could go on and on but hey, this is a comment not no stinken novel!
love
Heen
Proverbs 24:16.
You know 7 could signify "Often". But the what He looks at most is that we get back up. We know people who don't even give a second thought as to how their actions effect others and Him. But, learning from the past and seeing how you "don't deserve this", He keeps drawing you back. Because he 'knows who belongs to him' and he'll keep on drawing that person until a year later they look back and see all the progress they've made thus far.
See me after the meeting, and i'll mark your book. :)
I blog from my phone, therefore we are superior... and ignominious at the same time. Hey- we all get what we don't deserve- that's what keeps us humble, appreciative and indebted. Its when we start thinking we deserve more that we begin to lose what was best to us. Nice post- its good to reflect on the past if it adds fuel to the engine of change. Remind me. -e
Post a Comment