57 year update

so it's been about 57 years since my last update,
so i'm feeling that it's about that time i finally have a seat, and UNLOAD/UPLOAD all of my EVERYTHINGS on the ninnernet. yeah, that feels about right.
yesterday, while washing dishes at work, i had the biggest urge to put something down.
anything.
so that's what this is.

i've lost all my readers, but i'm planning on texting all my (ONE) readers (so really, just READER), to let them know that i've updated lololol.

i think ive been so busy living and growing that i simply havent had the time to do anything besides update a facebook through my iphone. saaadface. that, and the occasional twitter.
EVERYDAY,
JUST LIVING
AND GROWING

i've gained 8 lbs in 20 wks. This is scary, but I'm glad it wasn't 10. ACTUALLY, tomorrow is my OFFICIAL 20th week, and I'm excited. Well, it shouldn't be much different from today, but then i can say that I'm OFFICIALLY 5 months. that is huge. i am huge. well not really, but i feel it. it is so not sexy.

sometimes when i lay on my belly i can feel little movements, and my heart grows again. i still can't believe that there's an amazing little life inside me that i'm going to have to teach. i keep deciding little things everyday, like...
well, if im gonna keep up with my studies im going to have to cut out tv.
i'll try to read to the kid, even if he doesn't know what i'm doing.
we'll have practice meetings, and practice commenting, so he won't be shy.
instead of flashcards of words like DOG and APPLE, i'll do JOB, and GENESIS.
then i think real hard and realize it'll be hard to do things like that. :( :( :( but i'm going to try.
along with a lot of other worries is the worry of pioneering. now that the first trimester is long gone, i can finally brush my teeth without throwing up in the sink. and i can stand a whole day without wanting to crash. and this was the first month in forever that i've been able to really say that i made my time!
with that said, it's funny how sometimes you don't realize that you had lost your joy until you've gotten it back. like, it's weird that you didn't realize that you were getting discouraged by your own setbacks, until youve been encouraged by your accomplishments and those of others. with that said, i'm glad i haven't had the time for a lot of other things. i've finally gotten used to living in a home, with a new mate, in a new congregation, and entirely new circumstances.
and now we're going to have a baby boy.

and ive never been so scared of my life.
not just of my own inadequacies, but just of the entire system we live in, in general. i can't believe i'm bringing a baby into a world that's so messed up. with people who aren't just dumb, but who are actually messed up enough to want to hurt it and others. part of me can't believe that we didn't exercise enough forethought to have known this. or enough self-control to prevent it.

but the other part can't wait to meet it. shake its hand. hug it a couple times. teach him about our Creator, and watch him grow. i want it to be out with me in field service so much, that he prefers his carseat over a playpen at home. and to love meetings and reading and studying so much, that he prefers it over tv or any other recreational activity. i dont think its possible, but if he doesn't know anything else, then im thinking this might work.

im also thinking that this is what a lot of other parents thought before their first kids came along.

anyway, i'm very happy, busy, and all that good stuff.

i can hear brad coming home from school, meaning its dinner time.
good. i was hungry when i first started typing.